Apr 25, 2009
Don't copy if you can't paste !
A popular motivational speaker was entertaining his audience.
he said : "The best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman who wasn't my wife!"
The audience was in silence and shock.
The speaker added: "And that woman was my mother!"
Laughter and applause.
A week later, a top manager trained by the motivational speaker tried to crack this very effective joke at home.
He was a bit foggy after a drink.
He said loudly, "The greatest years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman who was not my wife!"
The wife went red with shock and rage.
Standing there for 20 seconds trying to recall the second half of the joke, the manager finally blurted out
"... and I can't remember who she was!"
he said : "The best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman who wasn't my wife!"
The audience was in silence and shock.
The speaker added: "And that woman was my mother!"
Laughter and applause.
A week later, a top manager trained by the motivational speaker tried to crack this very effective joke at home.
He was a bit foggy after a drink.
He said loudly, "The greatest years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman who was not my wife!"
The wife went red with shock and rage.
Standing there for 20 seconds trying to recall the second half of the joke, the manager finally blurted out
"... and I can't remember who she was!"
So never worry how many people dislike you...:)
A man hated his wife's cat and he decided to get rid of it. He drove
20 blocks away from home and dropped the cat there. The cat was
already walking up the driveway when he approached his home.
The next day, he decided to drop the cat 40 blocks away but the same
thing happened. He kept increasing the number of blocks but the cat
kept coming home before him.
At last he decided to drive a few miles away, turn right, then left,
past the bridge, then right again and another right and so on until he
reached what he thought was a perfect spot and dropped the cat there.
An hour later.... The man calls his wife at home and asked her, "Jen
is the cat there?" "Yes, why do you ask?" answered the wife.
Frustrated the man said," Put that damn cat on the phone, I am lost
and I need directions to reach home!!!
Moral:
“ How much ever we dislike somebody, someday we will need their assistance.
So never worry how many people dislike you...:)
“ How much ever we dislike somebody, someday we will need their assistance.
So never worry how many people dislike you...:)
Disorder in the American Court...You will laugh for sure… J
ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Are you shittin' me? Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Now whose death do you suppose terminated it?
________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Guess.
________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. Would you like to rephrase that?
________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.
________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!
________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
_____________________________________________
--- And the best for last: ---
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS : No.
ATTORNEY : Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS : No.
ATTORNEY : Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY : So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS : No.
ATTORNEY : How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY : I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Are you shittin' me? Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Now whose death do you suppose terminated it?
________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Guess.
________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. Would you like to rephrase that?
________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.
________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!
________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
_____________________________________________
--- And the best for last: ---
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS : No.
ATTORNEY : Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS : No.
ATTORNEY : Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY : So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS : No.
ATTORNEY : How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY : I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.
Apr 23, 2009
Todays facts...
• Distance between two cities is becoming lesser due to flights but the distance between the airport to your home is becoming greater.
• Nowadays people don’t have time for lunch/dinner but they definitely manage to get time to smoke.
• In society, one class is doing dieting to get their bodies back in perfect shape, while there is another class which does not have food to eat. Forget about fitness club, they are struggling for a home, to have shelter.
• If we look at top models & beggars, there is only one similarity between them i.e clothes. Top models are spending lakhs of rupees to have lesser clothes where as beggars are struggling for their clothes.
• In some areas of our country, people have to walk miles to fetch drinking water. In cities, we have to drive vehicle about 15-20 kilometers to enjoy in Water Park.
• Though there are a larger number of police stations than pizza places, if you call each of them, the pizza guy would reach earlier.
• Govt. has decided to import tons of wheat to cater to the people of India at the expense of spoiling a large amount of our own wheat and putting lives of many farmers in danger
• As you know, our country is facing the problem of power shortage, but employees of Software Companies are causing wastage of power by putting their systems on Standby mode in order to save time in shutting down & starting up. And the same person is not willing to suffer power cut at his/her home.
• Nowadays people don’t have time for lunch/dinner but they definitely manage to get time to smoke.
• In society, one class is doing dieting to get their bodies back in perfect shape, while there is another class which does not have food to eat. Forget about fitness club, they are struggling for a home, to have shelter.
• If we look at top models & beggars, there is only one similarity between them i.e clothes. Top models are spending lakhs of rupees to have lesser clothes where as beggars are struggling for their clothes.
• In some areas of our country, people have to walk miles to fetch drinking water. In cities, we have to drive vehicle about 15-20 kilometers to enjoy in Water Park.
• Though there are a larger number of police stations than pizza places, if you call each of them, the pizza guy would reach earlier.
• Govt. has decided to import tons of wheat to cater to the people of India at the expense of spoiling a large amount of our own wheat and putting lives of many farmers in danger
• As you know, our country is facing the problem of power shortage, but employees of Software Companies are causing wastage of power by putting their systems on Standby mode in order to save time in shutting down & starting up. And the same person is not willing to suffer power cut at his/her home.
Apr 7, 2009
Naughty quotes ;)
A good discussion is like a miniskirt, Short enough to pertain interest and long enough to cover the subject!
***
Children in backseats cause accidents, Accidents in backseats cause children!
***
When two's company, three's the result!
***
My girlfriend ran away with my best friend and I really am sorry for him!
***
"ALCOHOL KILLS SLOWLY", So what? Who's in a hurry?
***
Children in backseats cause accidents, Accidents in backseats cause children!
***
When two's company, three's the result!
***
My girlfriend ran away with my best friend and I really am sorry for him!
***
"ALCOHOL KILLS SLOWLY", So what? Who's in a hurry?
Apr 6, 2009
Funtime....
One day Raja and rani decided
to send messages to each other by using
Pigeon instead of mobile.
The very next day pigeon reached raja without any message.
He angried and called to rani.
to send messages to each other by using
Pigeon instead of mobile.
The very next day pigeon reached raja without any message.
He angried and called to rani.
She told stupid
"This was a missed call"
***
Billu: my mobile bill how much
cust care:Madam, just dail 123 to know ur current bill status.
Billu: stupid, not current bill my mobile bill!
***
A Sardar had called an Englishman for lunch. There was curd on the
table. The guest asked what is this? The Sardar didn't know English, he
said "Milk sleeping in night, morning becomes tight..
***
Did you hear about the sardarji who is so rich he has two swimming
pools,one of which is always empty? It's for people who can't swim
"This was a missed call"
***
Billu: my mobile bill how much
cust care:Madam, just dail 123 to know ur current bill status.
Billu: stupid, not current bill my mobile bill!
***
A Sardar had called an Englishman for lunch. There was curd on the
table. The guest asked what is this? The Sardar didn't know English, he
said "Milk sleeping in night, morning becomes tight..
***
Did you hear about the sardarji who is so rich he has two swimming
pools,one of which is always empty? It's for people who can't swim
Need Promotion.
People who do lots of work...
Make lots of mistakes
People who do less work...
Make less mistakes
People who do no work...
Make no mistakes
People who make no mistakes...
Gets promoted
That's why I spend most of my time
Sending e-mails & playing games at work , I need a promotion.
Make lots of mistakes
People who do less work...
Make less mistakes
People who do no work...
Make no mistakes
People who make no mistakes...
Gets promoted
That's why I spend most of my time
Sending e-mails & playing games at work , I need a promotion.
Laughter is an instant vacation
Girlfriend: And are you sure you love me and no one else?
Boyfriend: Dead Sure! I checked the whole list again yesterday
***
Manager: Sorry, but I can't give you a job. I don't need much help.
Job Applicant: That's all right. In fact I'm just theright person in this case.
You will see, I won't be of much help
anyway!!
***
Dad: Son, what do you want for your birthday?
Son: Not much dad, Just a radio with a sports car around it
***
Father: Your teacher says she finds it Impossible to teach you anything!
Son: That's why I say she's no-good!
***
Boyfriend: Dead Sure! I checked the whole list again yesterday
***
Manager: Sorry, but I can't give you a job. I don't need much help.
Job Applicant: That's all right. In fact I'm just theright person in this case.
You will see, I won't be of much help
anyway!!
***
Dad: Son, what do you want for your birthday?
Son: Not much dad, Just a radio with a sports car around it
***
Father: Your teacher says she finds it Impossible to teach you anything!
Son: That's why I say she's no-good!
***
Funniest News paper Classifieds
1. Illiterate? Write today for free help.
(man....if only I knew A B C....)
************ *
2. Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once; you'll never go anywhere again.
(sure...thanx for the warning!)
************ *
3. 3-year old teacher needed for pre-school. Experience preferred.
(in months or years?)
************ *
4. Used Cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated. Come here first.
(check it out)
************ *
5. Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children.
(howwww sweeeet)
************ *
6. Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel.
(wow! A free trip to heaven?)
************ *
7. Tired of cleaning yourself? Let me do it.
(uh...huh!)
************ *
8. Wanted. Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink.
(hey....who taught cows the bad habit??)
************ *
9. We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand.
(nice work)
************ *
(man....if only I knew A B C....)
************ *
2. Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once; you'll never go anywhere again.
(sure...thanx for the warning!)
************ *
3. 3-year old teacher needed for pre-school. Experience preferred.
(in months or years?)
************ *
4. Used Cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated. Come here first.
(check it out)
************ *
5. Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children.
(howwww sweeeet)
************ *
6. Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel.
(wow! A free trip to heaven?)
************ *
7. Tired of cleaning yourself? Let me do it.
(uh...huh!)
************ *
8. Wanted. Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink.
(hey....who taught cows the bad habit??)
************ *
9. We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand.
(nice work)
************ *
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